Bittersweet me

Heather's pumpkin (lipstick not visible)

Heather’s pumpkin (lipstick not visible)

I had a really bittersweet moment last night. Like a proper, proper, bittersweet moment, where I was pleased about something, but a moment later realised I’d never feel like that again. And it made me a bit sad.

Yesterday was Hallowe’en, and for the first time in her life, Heather *got* it. Well, more or less. I mean, I’m not sure carved pumpkins really¬†need lipstick or any decoration other than the carving itself. Certainly not the random felt pen squiggles that adorned the outside of said pumpkin, but became invisible as soon as it got dark and a candle was lit inside. And rubbed off on the hands of anyone who had the misfortune to lift the thing. But decorating it made her happy, and I guess that’s what it’s all about, right?

So yeah, we carved a pumpkin, and there was a party at nursery yesterday, and she got dressed up as a witch, and they dooked for apples, and we had kids round the doors last night and it was all fun.

It was at bedtime when I had my moment. A split second after voicing my feeling that, for the first time, Heather had *got* it, I realised that from now on she’ll ALWAYS get it. Which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but I realised that the more things she gets, the less there is to explain.

And I’ll miss the explaining. Don’t get me wrong, the times when she asks about something then gets bored halfway through the explanation and disappears to play with something else can be frustrating – especially when you¬†know the same question will be asked again in the very near future. But in the greater scheme of things, that frustration is only temporary, and totally outweighed by the feeling of pride when she grasps what you’re trying to explain.

Hallowe'en costumes

Of course, Megan still has all these things to discover, but I don’t think it will be the same. Firstly because she’s seen her sister doing all these things, so on some level they’ll already be familiar. And secondly because Heather will be on hand to give the explanations, probably in a more understandable way (to a toddler at least) than either me or Gem ever have.

So that was my moment. Confirmation, as if it were needed, that the girls are growing up really fast. And for me, that made yesterday the scariest Hallowe’en yet.

This autumn I'm running/cycling in a 30km duathlon and a half marathon, to raise money for Breast Cancer Campaign. You can read more about my challenge here or support me here. All donations, however big or small, gratefully received!